By Reporter X
Russian interceptors attacked a spacecraft from the Large Magellanic Cloud and followed it to the Bolingbrook Clow UFO base. The ship crashed on Clow and the interceptors eventually left Bolingbrook.
“That was exciting,” said Donna K. Smith, a spokeswoman for the Bolingbrook Department of Interstellar Affairs. “Thanks to the professionalism of our pilots and ground crew, we had no casualties and averted World War III. That is why Bolingbrook is exceptional.”
According to Smith, the UFO flew over the orbital territory of Ukraine, where it was confronted by the Russian Space Force. The pilots accused the crew of flying over Russian territory without permission. When the crew refused to pay, the interceptors attacked. The crew tried to flee.
Smith said: “The crew could have landed at any base within the (European Union) or North America. They chose the Bolingbrook Clow UFO base. We are honored that they chose us, but we are disappointed that the Russian military decided to violate our orbital space.”
Smith added that all crew members survived the crash and issued a statement insisting they never entered Russian territory. Part of the statement read: “It is disappointing to travel 160,000 light years only to be attacked because we crossed an imaginary line. Normally we would consider an attack an act of war. However, we will accept Bolingbrook’s gift of cannabis as proper reparation. Good thing Clow just opened a dispensary. (Insert another reason why Bolingbrook is the best town on Earth. MC.)”
Russian Space Force spokeswoman Angelica Orlov denied that the interceptors violated Clow’s orbital space. She said: “Outer space has been Russian territory since the launch of Sputnik. We have granted permission for vessels to operate over Bolingbrook, but we have always reserved the right to defend our territory. We are disappointed that the Mayor of Bolingbrook (Mary Alexander-Basta) is harboring these intruders. We are also frustrated with the continued US occupation of the Ukrainian village.”
A receptionist at Alexander-Basta said he was not available. In the background of the Zoom call, Bolingbrook Trustee Sheldon Watts spoke with undercover social media agent Charlene Spencer.
Spencer: My friend just finished writing his campaign books.
Watts: Campaign books?
spencer: yes We have to take things to the next level if he doesn’t want to finish last in the next election.
Watts: Why are you thinking now about the 2023 election?
Spencer: It’ll be here sooner than you think.
Watts: But I haven’t decided whether to run for re-election or what my platform will be.
Spencer: Details. Look, I have a must-see plan to make you a best-selling author.
Watts: Shouldn’t you have asked me first?
Spencer: And distract you from writing your thesis? Anyway, my friend wrote a post-apocalyptic military romantic zombie sci-fi survival urban fantasy series for you. Here is the blurb for the first book.
Watts: “Longing for Survival: Special forces veteran and young hunk Steve Volt must venture into the Western Wastelands to rescue his lover from zombie queen Mar-a-ree. Can you penetrate the restricted area with your–” Do you really think this will be a hit on Amazon?
Spencer: Of course I do, because I’m going to put it in the “Weavers>Bolingbrook” category. You will only need one sale to become the best selling author.
Also in the Charlatan:
Russian threatens Bolingbrook with snow attack
Weed World threatens to sue Bolingbrook for letting customers smoke inside
Sources: Trump Family Made Millions Selling Human Suits At Clow’s UFO Base
God will punish Bolingbrook on 2/3/22
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or my employer.
my new novel, The Rift: A Tale of the Charlatan of Bolingbrook, coming out soon Roads to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Stammering History it’s free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my Newsletter.