The 51 Best Rosa Diaz Quotes From “Brooklyn Nine Nine”

Everyone woman should own an axe, y’all!

Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a badass bisexual icon, and nobody can tell me otherwise. Here are 51 Rosa Diaz quotes that are, honestly, awesome.

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“What kind of woman doesn’t have an ax?”


“You can hate people and still think they’re hot.”


“It’s a joke. I was insulting him. You know, flirting.”


“I only said, ‘I love you,’ to three people: my mom, my dad, and my dying grandpa, and one of those I regret. My grandpa. He beat cancer, so now I look like an idiot.”


“Plans are plans. I’m a badass, not an anarchist.”


“It’s either that or go carolling with my family, so yeah. I’d rather walk into the freezing ocean.”


“I’ve only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.”


“NYPD! Get down on the comfortable matted floor. You’re under arrest for ruining something perfect.”


“A place where everybody knows your name is hell. You’re describing hell.”


“And when this is over, I’m going to find you, and I’m going to break those little fingers.”

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Judge: “Ms. Diaz, please stop threatening the stenographer!”


“Fly to Montreal, check into a classy hotel, bone a stranger. Slump over. That’ll fix it!”


“We’ve gotta have each other’s backs, OK?”


“RoboCop. It’s got everything I like: gratuitous violence.”

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Jake: “Oh, I thought you were listing things.”
Pink: “I was. I’m done.”


“Call me if you grab each other’s asses”


“You’re so good at being lame, and I’m not.”


“I’m fine at parties. I just stand in the middle of the room and don’t say anything.”


“I’m gonna rip your head off.”


“Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac.”


“I hate small talk. Let’s drink in silence.”

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“I didn’t understand why people care so much about dumb dogs until I got a dumb dog myself.”


“Don’t arrest him. Just smack him. Hard. With a phone book on a body part no one can see, you know what I’m saying?”


“I don’t ask people out. I just tell them where we’re going.”


“It’s very embarrassing, having feelings.”


“Your entire life is garbage.”


Rosa: “Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.”

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Amy: “Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?”
Pink: “I just forget stuff like a cool person.”


Rosa: “We can go to my apartment. No one knows where I live.”

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Sergeant Jeffords: “I thought you had Amy over there once.”
Pink: “Yeah, it was fun. I moved the next day.”


“My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.”


“Nope. I’m gonna wait ’til I’m on my deathbed, get in the last word, and then die immediately.”

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Sergeant Jeffords: “That’s your plan for dealing with this?”
Pink: “That’s my plan for dealing with everything. I have 77 arguments I’m going to win that way.”


“Next time I catch him shaving I’m gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart.”

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“I have one.”

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Kevin: “Rosa, tell us about your family.”
Pink: “I have one.”


“I am dating his nephew. Now we are hanging out on weekends. What is next? Ugh! Small talk.”

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“I never throw up. I just tell my stomach to deal with it. My body is terrified of me.”

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“You can’t let other people’s opinions get in the way of what you want, especially because other people suck.”

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Amy: “All right, that’s enough. Can we all get back to police work and stop talking about wedding dresses?”
Pink: “No. We’re gonna talk about them, because while wearing a wedding dress, you leapt over a couch, sprinted down an alley, and jumped off a car to subdue the crap out of a perp like you were Wonder Woman. It was pretty cool, wasn’t it? Amy, you are an amazing cop and a great leader, and you have proven that a billion times over. people suck.”

3. 4.

“Anyone over the age of 6 celebrating a birthday should go to hell.”

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“Can’t tell you how many nuns I wanted to beat up in Catholic school. Ten.”

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Sergeant Jeffords: “I didn’t know you went to Catholic school.”
Pink: “Good. You shouldn’t know it.”


“I’ve said, ‘Excuse me,’ more times this morning than I have in my entire life. Twice!”

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“So, what is this? Casual, serious? I need to know how to make fun of you.”


“Thanks, good note. I was going for extremely harsh. I’ll turn it up.”

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“I don’t like being stabbed by someone so they can steal my blood. I’m crazy.”

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“It’s my birthday. I hate birthdays. If you wish me a Happy Birthday, I will punch you.”


“Now, go home and do all your homework, or I will end you.”

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Sergeant Jeffords: “Don’t let Rosa fool you. She’s not that scary. She used to do ballet.”
Sam: “No way.”
Pink: “Which gave me the physical skills I need to strangle you with my feet. Now scram.”


“Gina, since you’re leaving, I’d like to make a toast. Bye.”


“Look, we’ve done like nine rounds of this, and you haven’t drunk once. Maybe we should play something else that actually gets you drunk. I love you, dude, but you haven’t had the craziest life.”

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Pink: “We have to get that permit.”


Amy: “How? The forms don’t make any sense. I mean, is anything even real?”
Pink: “No. Odds are we exist in a computer simulation, but I don’t have time to go down that rabbit hole.”

Four. Five.

“She is so cool. She’s been buried alive three times. I’ve only been buried alive once.”

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“Yeah, everyone should listen to me all the time about everything.”


“Dude, I get that, but if you want a beautiful wedding dress, you deserve to find one.”

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“This is on you, Boyle. You couldn’t just suck it up and let a few dozen crazed rats eat you until their hearts exploded?”


“You think I have an anger problem? I don’t. You are both dead to me.”


“Maybe you just need to laugh. Here, look at this video of a man being trampled by a moose.”


“I’m not going home. I’m going out.”

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Amy: “Hey, so, given the fact that you haven’t slept in forever, I feel like I should drive you home.”
Pink: “I’m not going home. I’m going out.”
Amy: “What? Really? What is your life?”
Pink: “It’s pretty good actually.”

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