**This article is based on nonfiction by actual events that were shared with me by my friend; used with permission.
My friend and I were neighbors and over the years she and I grew into close friends. We enjoyed each other’s company and many of the same things. One afternoon I saw her sitting out on her balcony and she looked really sad so I grabbed a pitcher of iced tea and two glasses and went to join her.
As I sat down and poured some ice tea for her I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. She was upset and I gently asked her if there was anything I could do to help her. She told me that she was n’t sure what anyone could do, her husband de ella had stopped talking to her and it was as if they were existing in two different worlds yet in the same household.
I asked her how long this had gone on and she shared with me that it had been several weeks. What I didn’t know was that this was going to stretch out to six months. My friend shared with me that whenever her husband got upset he would stop talking to her.
This wasn’t the first time and she knew it wouldn’t be the last time. As I was visiting with her that afternoon her husband arrived home. He greeted me and did n’t say a single word to his wife about him. I was shocked.
It would take my friend some time to come to terms that he was abusive by not talking to her. I wasn’t sure what to think. He would talk to me and ignore her completely. It was as if she wasn’t even there.
My friend eventually divorced him for psychological abuse. He was also very verbally abusive. The divorce was a nightmare for her. She had to go into hiding as he threatened to trash her name de ella all over town, drive over her, and many other intimidating things that are far too intrusive for me to share here.
Narcissistic abuse was alive and well with this man. She and I would still find ways to meet but eventually, he would follow me so she and I had to go to simply talking on the phone for many months. It’s important for women (and some men) to understand that if a significant other or spouse is not speaking to you, it is abuse. It’s one thing to sit quietly together or not talk for a few hours, but it’s a whole other ballpark if you’re being given the silent treatment, especially if you’re living in the same household.
My friend finally had to leave the area entirely. She moved to another state and is doing quite well. As for him, he went on to marry another woman. They too soon divorced.
If you or someone you love has been abused by a narcissist, there is hope, there is help, even if the narcissist says they will trash your name or ruin your life. You don’t have to suffer in silence. But, you do need to educate yourself and learn how to take care of yourself so that you can move forward and lead a healthy life.
Narcissistic abuse can happen to anyone. The abuse may be so subtle that the victim doesn’t even realize that they’re being abused. Like the “frog in the frying pan,” it’s often too late when the victim realizes that they’re in the hot seat. The abuse is already well under way.
If you, like my friend, aren’t sure if you’re being abused or not, you can look at this checklist here. It also gives you some great suggestions on dealing with it and where you can get help. Even if the abuser has isolated you, there are ways to get help so don’t stay in a bad situation like my friend did for years just because you don’t know what to do.
Moving forward, you’re going to have some healing to do. You’ll need to learn to let go and move forward with your life. It’s not an easy road, but the reward, in the end, is well worth all of the time that it took you to heal.
Have you ever been given the silent treatment by someone that you love? If so, what was your reaction? Did you stay or did you go?